Post by sitohruharuno on Dec 16, 2014 10:22:16 GMT -5
When I was younger
I promised myself
That as I grew older
I would vanquish my fears
Allow myself to become strong
And brave.
It appears
That as time has blurred past
And as I've become older,
I've also become
More afraid.
I'm afraid of people:
I live in a world
Where dog eats dog
And to get by
You have to be tough, aggressive,
So you aren't victimized.
(It's too late for that,
I'm too soft
And I fear I'm being devoured.)
I'm afraid of hurting others:
I'm such a mess,
And it's terrifying (at least to me)
To watch yourself
Shatter and destroy
The lives of those you love
Because you couldn't fix your own problems.
I'm afraid of living:
People all around me,
Scowling, scratching,
Me around people,
Hurting, never being the solution
I always meant to be.
So much can scathe you
When you're alive.
ButI'm also afraid of dying:
That toss up
Between Heaven and Hell,
Where am I gonna end up?
Where does death carry you
Once you march beyond the grave?
I'm afraid of so much,
Big things, small things,
When I look at others
And see myself reflected
And I look at the knife in my hand
And the scars on my wrist
And see hope and loss all at once,
Knowing I'm responsible for both,
I realize something
About each of my fears.
People:
I'm only human, too.
Hurting others:
It'd be my own fault.
Living:
I could end it if I wanted.
Dying:
I find myself wanting it, anyways.
Me. Me. Me. Me.
All my fears
Are things controlled
On my own.
When I look into the mirror, into my eyes,
I then understand the fear staring back.
Me, I'm afraid of myself.
I promised myself
That as I grew older
I would vanquish my fears
Allow myself to become strong
And brave.
It appears
That as time has blurred past
And as I've become older,
I've also become
More afraid.
I'm afraid of people:
I live in a world
Where dog eats dog
And to get by
You have to be tough, aggressive,
So you aren't victimized.
(It's too late for that,
I'm too soft
And I fear I'm being devoured.)
I'm afraid of hurting others:
I'm such a mess,
And it's terrifying (at least to me)
To watch yourself
Shatter and destroy
The lives of those you love
Because you couldn't fix your own problems.
I'm afraid of living:
People all around me,
Scowling, scratching,
Me around people,
Hurting, never being the solution
I always meant to be.
So much can scathe you
When you're alive.
ButI'm also afraid of dying:
That toss up
Between Heaven and Hell,
Where am I gonna end up?
Where does death carry you
Once you march beyond the grave?
I'm afraid of so much,
Big things, small things,
When I look at others
And see myself reflected
And I look at the knife in my hand
And the scars on my wrist
And see hope and loss all at once,
Knowing I'm responsible for both,
I realize something
About each of my fears.
People:
I'm only human, too.
Hurting others:
It'd be my own fault.
Living:
I could end it if I wanted.
Dying:
I find myself wanting it, anyways.
Me. Me. Me. Me.
All my fears
Are things controlled
On my own.
When I look into the mirror, into my eyes,
I then understand the fear staring back.
Me, I'm afraid of myself.